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Tuesday, January 10, 2017

Snow Day! A Sarcastic Response to Wyoming Winters

You have to love snow days sometimes. They give a lot of opportunity to reflect on why we live in a state where interstate closures are not only a possibility but are expected on a regular basis.
It is thoroughly entertaining to get up in the morning and scrape a quarter inch of determined-to-stick-there ice off of your windshield, as well as every window and even at least one side of your car so you can prize the door open. Or, if that last part is too difficult, you can manage to crawl in the passenger side and shove with all your might to dislodge the door (and hopefully not hit the car next to yours).
If a lot of snow fell since you last climbed into  your car, a lovely, soft white substance might fall onto your seat from the roof to keep you nice and cool as you drive to work. It’s a perfectly natural seat cushion, too. And don’t worry — you’ll never brush off all the little snowflakes. Chances are, enough will stay behind to melt a bit to make your commute all that much more pleasant.
Sometimes it is cold enough that the defroster on the rear windshield can’t keep up with the refreezing water droplets, so you have a lovely set of ice beads on the back window (at least it provides better visibility than the other option, which is rough, pebbly and white-scraped ice).
Oh, and remember that fluffy cold snow cushion that fell onto your seat? When it melts, it will inevitably evaporate and then freeze on the inside of all your windows, so when you finish scraping the outside of you windows in subzero temperatures, you might be given the delightful the opportunity to play a bonus round, which includes the chance to use your ideal-for-convex-surfaces ice scraper for a concave surface. Major bonus points!
(Note: If you don’t care for this sort of fun, you can be a spoilsport by parking in a garage or cracking the windows open overnight to let the evaporated moisture escape.)
Of course, another possibility is if you don’t shovel off the roof of your car, the jet stream will cause the snow on the roof to play hide-and-seek on the back window, except that clearly it forgot you can see it if it hides there. Or maybe it’s just playing at hiding all the cars behind you.
Just after last week’s 24-hour snow flurry, I was pleasantly surprised to find my normal parking spot completely covered by 4-5 feet of snow that had been plowed off the parking lot. I’d estimate that was a minimum of 12’x48’ of pavement covered by about 4 feet of at least somewhat compacted snow. So approximately 2,500 cubic feet.
Then there are the 3-foot and even 4-foot drifts every so often, which beautifully balance out the windswept areas. Some of those drifts, though, like to make their way to the road on occasion. It’s like mud-bogging in the middle of winter!
At times, you look out the window and wonder which way the wind is ACTUALLY blowing, because one minute the snow is falling straight down and the next  it’s flying at a 45-degree angle (or, if you’re really lucky, almost completely perpendicular to the road). The direction is prone to change, too. At you, to the left, to the right, blowing you forward — it’s all just one grand adventure.
One of my favorite parts of winter is when it is <1 degree outside, so when I walk outside for a few minutes, I can feel my nose trying to retreat into my face, or shrivel into an adorable little purple baby pickle — and are those my tear ducts freezing? It’s a gentle reminder that, if I stay outside for too long without proper clothing, who knows how much longer my life might go on?
And you don’t have to worry about seeing your breath; the playful Wyoming breeze will helpfully rip the mist away to keep your line of sight clear. Of course, you can choose between the slight chill of a 10-20-mph zephyr in freezing temperatures that bites and numbs your mouth, nose, chin, ears and eyes — or you can choose to forgo your ability to see by wearing a scarf that lets your breath fog up  your glasses. (Of course, the fog is inevitable; if you go inside, you lose your vision, too; you just get to pick “more” or “less.”)
Last Thursday, I briefly opted for the scarf that fogged up my glasses — only to find that my glasses were getting more than fog. They were getting a thin rime of frost around the edges as well.
The best part about winter is driving in it, though. Not that it isn’t fun to shovel behind each of my tires in the cheerful hope that I will be able to get enough traction to get out of the parking lot. But the very best part is driving at 5-10 mph yet enjoying the process of inexorably sliding toward a stop sign while the antilock braking system goes into overdrive and I gently (or maybe more than gently) pump the brakes.
It is also fascinating to look at the road conditions for the state of Wyoming. As I write, there are 11 seasonal road closures, two chain law level 1 restrictions, 22 black ice advisories, one black ice advisory with no trailer traffic allowed, two “no unnecessary travel” designations, 11 falling rock advisories and one road closure due to winter conditions. Each one of those 44 advisories, closures or restrictions represents a different stretch of road in the state.
And all this is absolutely nothing in comparison with the delightful weather stretching across some parts of other northern states as well. What was it — record-breaking low temperatures for some parts of Wyoming? The 40-degree heat wave forecast for the past couple of day or so is practically bikini weather. Just throw on your swimsuit and leap into the melting slush; it’s the Wyoming equivalent of an outdoor pool!
One thing is for sure: the best part of every winter is the January stretch of winter, which reminds us all just how wonderful the snow, ice and subzero temperatures are.

I’m positively dreading June’s light snow showers!  

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